When I was about 12 years old, I had a newspaper route to earn money.  I participated in a new subscriber contest and won a little stereo system for my efforts.  I recall I had a choice between the stereo system and a trip to some place in New York.  In retrospect, I think my mom would have preferred I had taken the trip as a vacation for her, from me.

One of the first albums I played on that little cheesy system was George Carlin's "On The Road"  over and over and over again.  Even though I haven't listened to it since then, I still remember some of his comedy bits from that album from 30 years ago.  George Carlin's voice inflection and timing always made me laugh.

Parents' cliches and children's secret answers

Parent: Do you understand English!?
Child: Not fully, no.

Parent: How many times do I have to tell you!?
Child: Six?

Parent: I have tried to be both a mother and father to you.
Child: Then go fuck yourself.

Being a single parent, even my mom laughed at that last one.

It's time to cross him out of the address book, but we can watch him on YouTube.  This video is about death, dying and random things about the after-life.  I especially like the very short bit about "I'm keeping him in my thoughts" around two-and-half minutes into it.  So, listen for that.  I think it could be tailored nicely as a useful comeback to fit the situation the next time someone says it to you.

As a matter of fact, I've already thought of a similar phrase that irritates me.

Someone always says, "I'll keep you(him,her) in my prayers." 

I know I just read that about two dozen times recently in a legacy.com guestbook.  So, the next time someone says "I'll keep so-and-so in my prayers," I'll have a snappy, cruel and hateful comeback tailored just for them.  I'll be ready.

"I'm keeping you in my prayers."

"Yeah? Where exactly in your prayers are you keeping me?  In between 'please God, smite my asshole boss' and 'please God, make this demon hemorrhoid stop itching'?  Thanks.  I feel really blessed now."

So anyway.  George Carlin died Sunday night.  That's a real bummer, man.  I spent some time at his web site reading.  If you ever need to give me a gift for a holiday, go to the George Carlin web site and buy anything.  I'd love it.

[headphones]
JfZ's Rock Playlist

[quote of the moment]
"Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day.  And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do.  And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time.  But he loves you.  He loves you and he needs money." 
– George Carlin

   George Carlin Comedy Death God Heaven Hell